I was having a conversation with my mom yesterday about whether kids in today's world are in some senses more cruel toward kids with disabilities or other differences than they were when I was growing up. Sometimes I feel like kids today are chock full of cruelty and disrespect, but most days, I realize that they are probably no different than the kids I encountered when I was younger; I just notice more now than I did before (which is probably a good thing, considering that I was able to live into my early twenties under the illusion that the intentions of those around me were almost always affable.)
A child's attitude toward individuals with disabilities starts with the attitudes of their parents. It is OK and even "normal" for your child to be curious about others whose lifestyles, means, and abilities are different from his own. Curiosity is a healthy characteristic of any growing, intuitive person--young or old. If your child is curious about something, you, as the parent, will be the first person he asks (in most cases). I have watched this happen on at least a weekly basis with kids I see out and about in DC.
Kid: "Mommy, what happened to that lady?"
What follows this question is usually one of a series of answers that is not only nonresponsive to the question, but also can cultivate fear and an attitude of avoidance in the child.
Kid: "Mommy, what happened to that lady?"
Response number 1 (while tapping the child on the shoulder, grabbing him by the arm, leading him quickly away) Mommy death stare, also interpreted as, "Don't say another word; you are embarrassing me."
Kid: "Mommy, what happened to that lady?"
Response number 2 (in hushed tone) "Shh... not in front of her! I'll explain when we get home."
Kid: "Mommy, what happened to that lady?"
Response number 3: Mommy says nothing. Kid stares at individual with a disability.
Kid: "Mommy, what happened to that lady?"
Mommy says nothing. Kid continues to stare.
Kid: "Mommy, what happened to that lady?"
Mommy says nothing. Now kid and mommy both stare, and mommy leads kid away with kid's head continuously turning back in pseudo-Linda-Blair-head-spin fashion to look at the amazing crutch-clad lady.
None of the above responses encourage the kid to explore his curiosity; none of them encourage him to talk to the individual with a disability, and none of them answer his question. All of the responses do, however, help cultivate the attitude that
a) having a disability is kind of a big deal
b) having a disability is kind of a bad deal
c) the first rule of having a disability is that we don't talk about having a disability.
So what would be the correct response? Is there a correct response? The best response is to encourage your child to talk to the individual with a disability. The person who can best answer questions about his or her life is the person living it. There is, of course, always the chance that the person with a disability won't be receptive... but you run that risk with all new people to whom you introduce yourself. The best thing you can do for your child though is to show him that people with disabilities are just like able-bodied people. The easiest way to do that is to approach, extend your hand, and say, "Hello..." The rest will follow.
