Here is a non-exhaustive list of things that bring me joy, in no particular order. Sometimes, on rough days, it helps to remind myself of all the things in my life that make me happy.
God has blessed me so richly, just through the many simple pleasures He allows me to enjoy every day.
I'm going to stop at 20, not because I could not think of more, but because I need to have a reasonable stopping point.
I challenge you to make your own list to refer back when you need a pick-me-up. It will really help more than you think.
1) Hearing someone I love say, "I love you, Jess" and reveling in the comfort of that truth.
2) Reading a Bible passage multiple times and catching something new each time.
3) Singing in church-- specifically "It Is Well With My Soul," "Abide with Me," "Purer in Heart," "Sing and Be Happy," "Ten Thousand Angels," "The Greatest Command," "Come Share the Lord," "As the Deer Pants," "Thy Word," "Night with Ebon Pinion," "Soldiers of Christ, Arise," "We Will Glorify," "The Battle Belongs to the Lord," "Holy, Holy, Holy".... and this could go on so I'll stop.
4) Singing. Period. All day. Any day. Any thing. Music is my second love.
5) Good food. Cooking it for others. Eating it. Finding the joy in sharing a meal or trying something new.
6) Clean sheet Tuesday.
7) Grass. Specifically, bluegrass. The smell, the feel, pulling it between my toes. Lying in it in the warm sun.
8) Coffee. All kinds, but especially anything from Caribou. And fresh ground.
9) My brother's laugh.
10) The smell of my dad: Downy, cigarette smoke, and wintergreen mints.
11) When I am home for a visit and my mama kisses me goodnight.
12) Holding a sleeping baby.
13) Soothing a crying baby.
14) Hearing any child laugh.
15) Making another person smile.
16) Writing/sending cards and letters.
17) Speaking French or hearing it in places I least expect.
18) Sable frambroise, true cafe au lait, foie gras, charcoutrie, fromage blanc, crepes with nutella and bananas, gallettes... and this could go on too..
19 )Movies (Old, new, any) Musicals. Snuggling with the dog watching one on a Sunday night. Taking myself to the movies with Milk Duds and pop corn. Or if I'm on a date... that silly thing that you do where you keep purposefully brushing each other in the dark, just so your hands can connect.
20) Skiing while snow is falling.
Oh.... I can't stop there..... let's make it 25.
21) Baking goodies for displaced people who stay in the shelter next to my work.
22) Explaining the law to someone and seeing what I tell them actually make a difference.
23) The lines a vacuum makes in the carpet.
24) Kisses on my forehead.
25) Sweating through my shirt during a workout or a race.... and crossing the finish line.
What are the little things that bring you joy??
Friday, January 24, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Don't steal my joy.
The end of 2013 and the start of 2014 have already brought so much change to my perspective.
I've started the year with a conscious effort to seek joy from God every day. The fact is that we should all be living each day as though it is our last.... because it could be.
It is a documented scientific fact that every human heart has a finite number of beats. Our days on this Earth are numbered, and our Creator knows this. He knows this well. He knows it so well that He could tell us each the number of days we have left, and the number of hairs we'll have on our heads on that last day.
Ironically, the decision I made to seek more joy from the Lord each day has stemmed from a series of losses. The physical loss in the past few months of individuals on this Earth whom I have loved and whom I have known others to love, and the spiritual loss I have seen taking hold in my own life. By spiritual loss, I mean it's become clear to me that I have been losing ground in my own spirituality over the past at least 3 months (maybe longer).
And again with the irony here... I noticed this change in me when I chose to cut off contact with someone in December who had played at least a small role in a lot of my spiritual growth over the first half of the year. The way that I reacted toward the "bump in the road" of our friendship was not very Christ-like. He had done and said things that hurt me.... multiple times....yes....... and nothing excuses some of those actions, because they were undeserved.
HOWEVER, the response to those actions is to talk to him about them... not to send e-mail after e-mail and then go all passive-aggressive on Facebook. That's not me. That is anger. That is hurt. And that is about the maturity of a 16 year old....
BUT that is not Christ-like.
I kept doing the same thing over and over.... reacting the same way when I was hurt, in a way that could have been more loving and respectful.... but wasn't... and expecting a different result.
That is not Christ-like; that is the definition of insanity.
The thing about friendships routed in Christian love, though, is that they are first and foremost about forgiveness. Everyone you love, if you truly open your heart to that person, will hurt you at one point or another. That is a fact. Humans are imperfect creatures. That's why we need Christ in the first place. The people who hurt you are worth your forgiveness every time, whether they ask or not. Christ said we are to forgive each other 70 X 7 times.
That's a lot of second chances, folks.
And if the person asks for your forgiveness, you should forgive them immediately. Think about it. We are to act and react with the love of Christ; God, through Christ, displayed the ultimate act of forgiveness when Christ died on the cross for our transgressions.... even the ones we haven't committed yet. Every last one of them. If a Christian wants forgiveness from God, all she has to do is ask and the slate will be wiped clean.
Shouldn't we, living as examples of Christ on Earth, forgive the same way?
I chose to forgive this person for the hurt he caused me because I truly love him with the love of God, and having him be a part of my life is more important than holding a grudge over a few bad decisions and moments in time.
Now, I know what you might be thinking--forgiving is NOT the same as forgetting. And you're right... it's not. That's the difference between God and the humans He created; we don't forget. If we truly pray and repent of a sin we have committed, and we ask God for forgiveness, He forgives and He forgets. He purges that sin as though it never even existed.
He can see the contents of a truly pentitent heart, and can give it an instant cleansing through the blood of Christ.
Isn't that something to give you joy? It should be.
But it's also incredibly difficult to grasp. Often God has forgiven us for our wrongdoings long before we're able to forgive ourselves...
And that's where I've been... stuck in this haze of foggy regret over things I've said and done that can't be changed, no matter how much I want them to change... I haven't been able to grow, because I can't forgive. I can't forgive myself.
But the clouds have started to lift, and I have found my joy in something simple: God has already forgiven me.
And though the human friendship hurt by both of our actions may take time to repair, and it may not be the same as what it was when it began, my prayer is that it will enrich us both, and we will emerge stronger and more connected to each other and to Him.
I've started the year with a conscious effort to seek joy from God every day. The fact is that we should all be living each day as though it is our last.... because it could be.
It is a documented scientific fact that every human heart has a finite number of beats. Our days on this Earth are numbered, and our Creator knows this. He knows this well. He knows it so well that He could tell us each the number of days we have left, and the number of hairs we'll have on our heads on that last day.
Ironically, the decision I made to seek more joy from the Lord each day has stemmed from a series of losses. The physical loss in the past few months of individuals on this Earth whom I have loved and whom I have known others to love, and the spiritual loss I have seen taking hold in my own life. By spiritual loss, I mean it's become clear to me that I have been losing ground in my own spirituality over the past at least 3 months (maybe longer).
And again with the irony here... I noticed this change in me when I chose to cut off contact with someone in December who had played at least a small role in a lot of my spiritual growth over the first half of the year. The way that I reacted toward the "bump in the road" of our friendship was not very Christ-like. He had done and said things that hurt me.... multiple times....yes....... and nothing excuses some of those actions, because they were undeserved.
HOWEVER, the response to those actions is to talk to him about them... not to send e-mail after e-mail and then go all passive-aggressive on Facebook. That's not me. That is anger. That is hurt. And that is about the maturity of a 16 year old....
BUT that is not Christ-like.
I kept doing the same thing over and over.... reacting the same way when I was hurt, in a way that could have been more loving and respectful.... but wasn't... and expecting a different result.
That is not Christ-like; that is the definition of insanity.
The thing about friendships routed in Christian love, though, is that they are first and foremost about forgiveness. Everyone you love, if you truly open your heart to that person, will hurt you at one point or another. That is a fact. Humans are imperfect creatures. That's why we need Christ in the first place. The people who hurt you are worth your forgiveness every time, whether they ask or not. Christ said we are to forgive each other 70 X 7 times.
That's a lot of second chances, folks.
And if the person asks for your forgiveness, you should forgive them immediately. Think about it. We are to act and react with the love of Christ; God, through Christ, displayed the ultimate act of forgiveness when Christ died on the cross for our transgressions.... even the ones we haven't committed yet. Every last one of them. If a Christian wants forgiveness from God, all she has to do is ask and the slate will be wiped clean.
Shouldn't we, living as examples of Christ on Earth, forgive the same way?
I chose to forgive this person for the hurt he caused me because I truly love him with the love of God, and having him be a part of my life is more important than holding a grudge over a few bad decisions and moments in time.
Now, I know what you might be thinking--forgiving is NOT the same as forgetting. And you're right... it's not. That's the difference between God and the humans He created; we don't forget. If we truly pray and repent of a sin we have committed, and we ask God for forgiveness, He forgives and He forgets. He purges that sin as though it never even existed.
He can see the contents of a truly pentitent heart, and can give it an instant cleansing through the blood of Christ.
Isn't that something to give you joy? It should be.
But it's also incredibly difficult to grasp. Often God has forgiven us for our wrongdoings long before we're able to forgive ourselves...
And that's where I've been... stuck in this haze of foggy regret over things I've said and done that can't be changed, no matter how much I want them to change... I haven't been able to grow, because I can't forgive. I can't forgive myself.
But the clouds have started to lift, and I have found my joy in something simple: God has already forgiven me.
And though the human friendship hurt by both of our actions may take time to repair, and it may not be the same as what it was when it began, my prayer is that it will enrich us both, and we will emerge stronger and more connected to each other and to Him.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
The letter
Posted here, because I needed to put it somewhere...
Think of it as catharsis. I mailed a written copy too, but who knows if it will be read.
To the guy who's been the subject of every relationship related blog post in 2013--
It's been a hard few days for me. I think that the lack of answer from you was all the answer I needed.
I don't know if you were trying to play me or just keep me around because you needed someone there just in case, but I believe in the love I have for you, and that won't go away no matter what you do. Believe me, I wish it would... Then maybe I wouldn't need half a tube of concealer on my consistently swollen eyes.
I know it's hard for you too. I believe that you love me. I accept responsibility for my part in everything that's happened over the past few months. I wasn't fair, because I didn't stick to my own boundaries/the standards for what I want/deserve from someone. I'm sorry for that.
I hope that if you read my blog post from yesterday, you could see in it how much love I have for you. If you'll notice, I've always been upfront with that, and always tried to show you as much as I say it.
Your words and actions toward me haven't matched for a long time, and I want you to know how much it's killing me to type this... But I shouldn't have to convince someone who says he loves me that he wants to see me, that he should show me how he feels in some way other than a text because he should want to. I've offered everything I can to you.
I also want you to know that I don't think that it's all your fault. You can't change how you feel or what you're ready for.
I will continue to pray for you, and believe me when I say, I believe God will use you for so much good. You may have acted like a royal jerk sometimes, but I invited that behavior. And so have I. Who hasn't?
You are still a man after God's heart, and I will always love that about you the most.
I hope you can forgive me for any hurt I caused you, and know that if you ever need a shoulder, I will be there. Nothing required from you.
.
See you sometime, my friend.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Jess
Sunday, January 12, 2014
How Facebook Ruined My Online "Relationship"
Note the quotation marks in the title.... because it's not really a relationship if you can count the number of times you've seen the person on one hand.
Or is it??
See, that's the tricky thing about online dating, because in a lot of ways, I'd say this person knew me so much better than even a man who had asked me to marry him. We'd had deep conversations, shared faith in God, talked about family dysfunction, goals, hopes, dreams, the ideal utopia where money didn't exist and we could spend our lives helping others and seeing that their needs were met. Music, college nicknames, Greek life experiences, growing up with a younger siblings, birthdays, holidays, what we wanted for our future. All of it-- discussed at length.
Sometimes he would text me just to say what he was making for dinner... or to have a conversation in nothing but malapropisms originally coined by George W. Bush. I couldn't go a day without talking to this person. And I loved everything about him even before we'd met. I'd think someone else was crazy if they were saying this to me before, but now, I wouldn't poke so much fun... because I've been there.
It's amazing what a dependency can build, and how much love can grow from texts, e-mails, and phone calls. Assuming the person is really being genuine, you can learn who they are better than if you had met in person and based initial impressions from superficial characteristics.
So we talked for 3 months. And then we met... and it was like we had known each other for our lives. I was more comfortable with him the first day we'd met than I had been with any other guy.... ever.
Things were good, after that initial meeting we kept calling/texting/talking. And then my birthday happened.... and suddenly, I felt like I was stuck in an episode of Catfish. Because we communicated online, we were Facebook friends. Without warning or discussion, he deleted me as his friend on my birthday and declared himself to be in a relationship with some other girl... who I'd never heard him mention in all these months.
So naturally, I was devastated. I tried calling to ask for an explanation, but he didn't answer. We didn't talk for 10 days. He called and apologized for his behavior, saying that he had just been in an odd place and scared of his feelings. I believed him. Guys can be jerks. He had been through a lot, and I knew that his heart was good.
So then came the next month. A good month of growing closer and talking through a potential move for him, discussing what that meant for our future. Talking for hours after a death in his family. Making inside jokes; sending each other pictures, growing closer by the day.
Then, came Veterans Day. Another hard day for him. And again he deleted me, with no explanation, but this time we talked. He told me he had feelings for someone from his past and was going to try to pursue something with her. We didn't talk daily, but I encouraged him to do what he needed and tell her the truth, letting him know I loved him and would always be there as his friend.
He surprised me one Saturday morning shortly after by calling me and letting me know that he had been up thinking about it, and that he knew I was who wanted to be with. He was on his way to my front door. We spent the day together, one of the best days I can remember even as I type this... and it felt like a new beginning.
And then came December... another girl materialized from thin air.... he said he'd met this one online. I just couldn't take it anymore. She seemed a lot like me in many ways... and I couldn't understand why he kept pushing me away.... it seemed like anyone and everyone was better than me.
And so this time I did the deleting. And I went home to KY for Christmas, but truthfully, I thought about him the whole time. He called me while I was there, letting me know he missed me and would always love me.
And so we talked last week, with me leery of his motive. I still am not his FB friend but I made the mistake of checking his page. He had posted some stupid meme about meeting nice girls and then meeting their boyfriends 10 minutes later.
Funny, but if you're telling me you'll always love me and can't stop thinking about me... why are you (even jokingly) concerned with meeting these nice girls... or whether they have boyfriends??
I'm confused.
I'm done trying to figure it out.
Guys, if you're trying to play... make sure FB doesn't ruin your game.
Signed, The Apparent Human Boomerang
Or is it??
See, that's the tricky thing about online dating, because in a lot of ways, I'd say this person knew me so much better than even a man who had asked me to marry him. We'd had deep conversations, shared faith in God, talked about family dysfunction, goals, hopes, dreams, the ideal utopia where money didn't exist and we could spend our lives helping others and seeing that their needs were met. Music, college nicknames, Greek life experiences, growing up with a younger siblings, birthdays, holidays, what we wanted for our future. All of it-- discussed at length.
Sometimes he would text me just to say what he was making for dinner... or to have a conversation in nothing but malapropisms originally coined by George W. Bush. I couldn't go a day without talking to this person. And I loved everything about him even before we'd met. I'd think someone else was crazy if they were saying this to me before, but now, I wouldn't poke so much fun... because I've been there.
It's amazing what a dependency can build, and how much love can grow from texts, e-mails, and phone calls. Assuming the person is really being genuine, you can learn who they are better than if you had met in person and based initial impressions from superficial characteristics.
So we talked for 3 months. And then we met... and it was like we had known each other for our lives. I was more comfortable with him the first day we'd met than I had been with any other guy.... ever.
Things were good, after that initial meeting we kept calling/texting/talking. And then my birthday happened.... and suddenly, I felt like I was stuck in an episode of Catfish. Because we communicated online, we were Facebook friends. Without warning or discussion, he deleted me as his friend on my birthday and declared himself to be in a relationship with some other girl... who I'd never heard him mention in all these months.
So naturally, I was devastated. I tried calling to ask for an explanation, but he didn't answer. We didn't talk for 10 days. He called and apologized for his behavior, saying that he had just been in an odd place and scared of his feelings. I believed him. Guys can be jerks. He had been through a lot, and I knew that his heart was good.
So then came the next month. A good month of growing closer and talking through a potential move for him, discussing what that meant for our future. Talking for hours after a death in his family. Making inside jokes; sending each other pictures, growing closer by the day.
Then, came Veterans Day. Another hard day for him. And again he deleted me, with no explanation, but this time we talked. He told me he had feelings for someone from his past and was going to try to pursue something with her. We didn't talk daily, but I encouraged him to do what he needed and tell her the truth, letting him know I loved him and would always be there as his friend.
He surprised me one Saturday morning shortly after by calling me and letting me know that he had been up thinking about it, and that he knew I was who wanted to be with. He was on his way to my front door. We spent the day together, one of the best days I can remember even as I type this... and it felt like a new beginning.
And then came December... another girl materialized from thin air.... he said he'd met this one online. I just couldn't take it anymore. She seemed a lot like me in many ways... and I couldn't understand why he kept pushing me away.... it seemed like anyone and everyone was better than me.
And so this time I did the deleting. And I went home to KY for Christmas, but truthfully, I thought about him the whole time. He called me while I was there, letting me know he missed me and would always love me.
And so we talked last week, with me leery of his motive. I still am not his FB friend but I made the mistake of checking his page. He had posted some stupid meme about meeting nice girls and then meeting their boyfriends 10 minutes later.
Funny, but if you're telling me you'll always love me and can't stop thinking about me... why are you (even jokingly) concerned with meeting these nice girls... or whether they have boyfriends??
I'm confused.
I'm done trying to figure it out.
Guys, if you're trying to play... make sure FB doesn't ruin your game.
Signed, The Apparent Human Boomerang
Friday, December 20, 2013
Engagement season...
Yes, it's that time of year....
When babies lie in mangers, a fat man squeezes down all of our chimneys, and at least 3 people I know get engaged.
Last Saturday, I put some distance between myself and the guy that I had been sort of seeing off and on for the past eight months. I love him, and I'm 90% certain he cares a lot about me... but to be honest...
His heart just wasn't IN it, for some reason.
I can't fault him for that; it's not my fault either. I just think he bit off more than he could chew.
And well... once you bite, you have no choice but to spit or swallow.
And he spat.
The holidays are a hard time for a single person in her early thirties. Almost all my cousins are married with babies... and I've made it no secret that a family is something I want for myself. Believe me, I'm not saying that to be all, "woe is me, I'm going to be single and alone on Christmas..." I know I'm not the only person in the lonely-boat; in fact, if all of us ditched our solo boats and rowed together.... we might not be so lonely.
But my point is, this is NOT a last single girl post...
In the past week, I've been given a lot of advice. All of it has been good advice... but I just...
Sometimes, I think it's easy for a married person to tell a newly single person, "just get over it" or "if you stop looking, he'll show up." I haven't ever really been looking. I don't go out to bars or bookstores to troll for the love of my life. I'd like to meet someone from church... but well... everyone my age at church is either married, has kids, or has no interest in me...
I've joined MANY online dating sites while single in DC-- a couple for Christians, a couple for people with disabilities, and even one of the major sites (that shall remain nameless). This has been moderately successful. I mean, I've had many first dates... and one pseudo-relationship (see the beginning of this entry).
Of course, I've had to wade through several messages from people saying how "sorry they are for my condition," asking "what happened" to me; or coming at me straight with, "Can you have sex and/or children?"
This crazy talk has led me to place the following disclaimer on my profile:
Hi, my name is Jessica, and I walk with armbraces. I was not injured. I was born with a non-genetic birth defect that affects my motor skills. It will not get better. It will not get worse. But if you're going to pity me; don't bother messaging. Life is my party and there's no time to cry.
Right now though, I'm just trying to strike a balance. I want to find ways to be happy about my single life because I should be. It is a life full of opportunity, and love, and laughter; and I don't want to miss out on what I do have while longing for what I don't.
I am, however, starting to become a bit jaded, because I see people who have a family, or a husband, or even a serious boyfriend, and I wonder, "What am I doing wrong? Why can't I have what they have?"
In reality, I know it's probably "not my time" yet, and that my time will come if I keep seeking after God and doing His will. I know He hears my prayers; and I know He knows the kind of wife I'd be, and the kind of person I need, because He made me. If it's meant to be, it will be.
I want to see my singleness as a gift from Him instead of something I just have to endure.... but sometimes, it is just. So. Hard.
I think about my last serious boyfriend, and how miserably he treated me (his birthday was last week.) He's married now. I don't want him.... not by even the lengthiest stretch of my imagination....but sometimes, when I'm lying alone, awake at 3:30 in the morning, I think, "If he can find someone, WHAT am I doing wrong?"
And all the well-meaning, attached friends who tell me, "You need to find a nice guy, " or "Someday your prince will come..."
Really?
Will he?
Did he take the slow boat from China??? Because.... ummm... he's late.
I'm not desperate for a husband. Even if I met the right person, I'd still want to take things slow. I know marriage is hard. And that forever is a long time. I'm not expecting all movie romance and rainbows.
I just want someone to throw his socks on my bedroom floor. so that I can pick them up and put them in the hamper. Someone who will tolerate my bad taste in reality TV. Someone who communicates well, loves impromptu dance parties, and wants to study the Bible together every day.
Someone who loves me-- quirks and all.... a love I'll gladly reciprocate.
I know there will be bad. Lots of bad. No person is perfect... neither is any union (save a soul's union with God.)
But I've waited so long for him.... that man has no idea how much he'll be loved and appreciated. None. And if he ever does make an entrance into my life, I'm going to make sure I tell him every single day.
When babies lie in mangers, a fat man squeezes down all of our chimneys, and at least 3 people I know get engaged.
Last Saturday, I put some distance between myself and the guy that I had been sort of seeing off and on for the past eight months. I love him, and I'm 90% certain he cares a lot about me... but to be honest...
His heart just wasn't IN it, for some reason.
I can't fault him for that; it's not my fault either. I just think he bit off more than he could chew.
And well... once you bite, you have no choice but to spit or swallow.
And he spat.
The holidays are a hard time for a single person in her early thirties. Almost all my cousins are married with babies... and I've made it no secret that a family is something I want for myself. Believe me, I'm not saying that to be all, "woe is me, I'm going to be single and alone on Christmas..." I know I'm not the only person in the lonely-boat; in fact, if all of us ditched our solo boats and rowed together.... we might not be so lonely.
But my point is, this is NOT a last single girl post...
In the past week, I've been given a lot of advice. All of it has been good advice... but I just...
Sometimes, I think it's easy for a married person to tell a newly single person, "just get over it" or "if you stop looking, he'll show up." I haven't ever really been looking. I don't go out to bars or bookstores to troll for the love of my life. I'd like to meet someone from church... but well... everyone my age at church is either married, has kids, or has no interest in me...
I've joined MANY online dating sites while single in DC-- a couple for Christians, a couple for people with disabilities, and even one of the major sites (that shall remain nameless). This has been moderately successful. I mean, I've had many first dates... and one pseudo-relationship (see the beginning of this entry).
Of course, I've had to wade through several messages from people saying how "sorry they are for my condition," asking "what happened" to me; or coming at me straight with, "Can you have sex and/or children?"
This crazy talk has led me to place the following disclaimer on my profile:
Hi, my name is Jessica, and I walk with armbraces. I was not injured. I was born with a non-genetic birth defect that affects my motor skills. It will not get better. It will not get worse. But if you're going to pity me; don't bother messaging. Life is my party and there's no time to cry.
In fact, I'd rather spend my time: eating, traveling, running 5 k races in the DC area, singing church songs at the top of my lungs, drinking lots of coffee, jumping out of planes, figuring out what I can do to help others.... and meeting people, like you, of course.
Of course, this disclaimer has led to me receiving fewer messages, but if that means I have to deal with fewer awkward intros and quick fizzling connections, I'll take it. My membership to this site expires in March, and I don't plan on renewing; it hasn't seemed to work for me in the way I've wanted.
Right now though, I'm just trying to strike a balance. I want to find ways to be happy about my single life because I should be. It is a life full of opportunity, and love, and laughter; and I don't want to miss out on what I do have while longing for what I don't.
I am, however, starting to become a bit jaded, because I see people who have a family, or a husband, or even a serious boyfriend, and I wonder, "What am I doing wrong? Why can't I have what they have?"
In reality, I know it's probably "not my time" yet, and that my time will come if I keep seeking after God and doing His will. I know He hears my prayers; and I know He knows the kind of wife I'd be, and the kind of person I need, because He made me. If it's meant to be, it will be.
I want to see my singleness as a gift from Him instead of something I just have to endure.... but sometimes, it is just. So. Hard.
I think about my last serious boyfriend, and how miserably he treated me (his birthday was last week.) He's married now. I don't want him.... not by even the lengthiest stretch of my imagination....but sometimes, when I'm lying alone, awake at 3:30 in the morning, I think, "If he can find someone, WHAT am I doing wrong?"
And all the well-meaning, attached friends who tell me, "You need to find a nice guy, " or "Someday your prince will come..."
Really?
Will he?
Did he take the slow boat from China??? Because.... ummm... he's late.
I'm not desperate for a husband. Even if I met the right person, I'd still want to take things slow. I know marriage is hard. And that forever is a long time. I'm not expecting all movie romance and rainbows.
I just want someone to throw his socks on my bedroom floor. so that I can pick them up and put them in the hamper. Someone who will tolerate my bad taste in reality TV. Someone who communicates well, loves impromptu dance parties, and wants to study the Bible together every day.
Someone who loves me-- quirks and all.... a love I'll gladly reciprocate.
I know there will be bad. Lots of bad. No person is perfect... neither is any union (save a soul's union with God.)
But I've waited so long for him.... that man has no idea how much he'll be loved and appreciated. None. And if he ever does make an entrance into my life, I'm going to make sure I tell him every single day.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Does Disability Come From Sin?
What I'm about to address is a controversial topic, but it's come up in way too many conversations, and even a sermon or two, in the past 6 months. I have to say something. There is a belief prevalent among conservative Christians, regardless of denominational affiliation, that developmental disabilities (like birth defects and genetic conditions) are an indirect result of original sin. Put more simply, this belief teaches that had Adam and Eve not committed the original transgression against God in the Garden, disability would not exist. That because man exercised free will and disobeyed God, disabilities acquired in our Earthly lives are one of the ways we have been made to "pay" for the act of our predecessors.
Specifically, this belief teaches that God did not intend for man to have disabilities but man brought them upon himself. Disabilities are inherently bad because they are a result of sin.
I have cerebral palsy and Matthew has autism because of sin.
But the Bible does not teach this. After Adam and Eve sin in the Garden, God is very specific with them about what the consequences of their actions will be:
14 The Lord God said to the serpent,
Specifically, this belief teaches that God did not intend for man to have disabilities but man brought them upon himself. Disabilities are inherently bad because they are a result of sin.
I have cerebral palsy and Matthew has autism because of sin.
But the Bible does not teach this. After Adam and Eve sin in the Garden, God is very specific with them about what the consequences of their actions will be:
14 The Lord God said to the serpent,
“Because you have done this,
cursed are you above all livestock
and above all beasts of the field;
on your belly you shall go,
and dust you shall eat
all the days of your life.
15 I will put enmity between you and the woman,
and between your offspring[e] and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
and you shall bruise his heel.”
cursed are you above all livestock
and above all beasts of the field;
on your belly you shall go,
and dust you shall eat
all the days of your life.
15 I will put enmity between you and the woman,
and between your offspring[e] and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
and you shall bruise his heel.”
16 To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be for[f] your husband,
and he shall rule over you.”
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be for[f] your husband,
and he shall rule over you.”
17 And to Adam he said,
“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife
and have eaten of the tree
of which I commanded you,
‘You shall not eat of it,’
cursed is the ground because of you;
in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
and you shall eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.” Genesis 3: 14-19 ESV
and have eaten of the tree
of which I commanded you,
‘You shall not eat of it,’
cursed is the ground because of you;
in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
and you shall eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.” Genesis 3: 14-19 ESV
Specifically in this passage, God condemns man and woman to pain in child bearing, hard labor in life, and ultimately, physical death. The wages of sin is death, both physical and spiritual. (Rom 6:23).
I suppose that if one really wanted to make an argument that disability is a result of original sin, he could stretch verses 17-18 to include it as one of the toils of life. However, God doesn't imply that here... so if you want to read the Bible in context, that's too much of a stretch.
Paul, however, does specifically address the role of a disability in the life of a Christian in his second New Testament letter to the Corinthians. We are never told specifically what Paul's disability is. He simply calls it his "thorn in the flesh." I have a theory that he has CP. (If you want to know why, just ask and I'll go into detail, but that's really the subject of a completely different post.) Some people think he is blind. It doesn't really matter what Paul's thorn in the flesh was; we know it was something visible, and he describes it as follows:
"7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor 12:7-10 ESV
Paul specifically says that disability exists, not as punishment for sin, but as a test or a trial, given to him from Satan. At first blush, this description might sound equally as horrifying as the belief that disabilities are a result of sin, but Paul describes it as a good thing. Contentedness with his weak human flesh gives him opportunity to perfect his strength in Christ. This is true of any aspect of our humanity; we are to use everything about ourselves, whether we perceive it to be good, bad, or ugly to the glory of God. We know from examples of other lives in the Bible-- Abraham, Job, even the life of Jesus-- that God never lets man experience any more than he can handle.
Furthermore, Paul says that his disability was given to him so that he would not be conceited, having had direct revelations from the Lord. He used his "thorn in the flesh" to relate to people and to help bring them to Christ. He used his weakness for strength.
Paul specifically says that disability exists, not as punishment for sin, but as a test or a trial, given to him from Satan. At first blush, this description might sound equally as horrifying as the belief that disabilities are a result of sin, but Paul describes it as a good thing. Contentedness with his weak human flesh gives him opportunity to perfect his strength in Christ. This is true of any aspect of our humanity; we are to use everything about ourselves, whether we perceive it to be good, bad, or ugly to the glory of God. We know from examples of other lives in the Bible-- Abraham, Job, even the life of Jesus-- that God never lets man experience any more than he can handle.
Furthermore, Paul says that his disability was given to him so that he would not be conceited, having had direct revelations from the Lord. He used his "thorn in the flesh" to relate to people and to help bring them to Christ. He used his weakness for strength.
So this thing that helped Paul, that rooted him in Christ, that helped him bring others to the Lord-- this was a result of sin? No.
This was a result of chance. A test that God allowed him to endure for his own edification and that of those around him.
Monday, November 18, 2013
The gift of hope.
It was hard to sleep in the early hours this morning when I learned that a church friend of mine had gone missing in Bowling Green, KY shortly before the storms hit yesterday. I had been consumed most of the weekend with thoughts that seem so trivial now, and I was soon lost in much deeper ones.
Adam was by no means my best friend. My interactions with him were few compared to many others I know and love... but in the nearly 3 years since I met him, he made an impression on me that lasted. He was hilarious, outgoing, and had a heart for God and others. Adam left his home on Sunday afternoon with the intention of going for either a swim or a run... which,it was not clear. It appears that somehow he may have been pulled under by the current in the Barren River, but it has not been confirmed. As of now, all we really know is that no one has seen Adam since around 1 pm yesterday. He has no phone, no keys, no ID, and no shoes.
And so for now, all we can do is wait. And pray. And pray. And wait.
In times like these, I have no idea how people function without God, because when all in this world seems hopeless, I consider myself blessed to have a source of constant hope in Him. I know that wherever Adam is, God is with Him, and that whatever he is going though, God will provide for his needs. I know that his friends and family sick with worry can find hope and comfort in God. And I know that no matter the outcome of this troubling situation, God will be with us always if we call on Him for help.
Some people say that reliance on God makes me stupid.... I say to them, "Fine... but at least in my so-called ignorance, I have hope. What do you have?"
Questions like this usually lead those doubting to fall silent, because even non-believers can recognize the healing power and positive influence that comes from prayer to and reliance on a higher power.
God is our ultimate source of love here on Earth, and the example by which we should model the way we interact with others. He shows us love every day, when he lets us breathe and live and interact and love ourselves, even though we are deserving of nothing, and constantly transgress each other and Him with our actions. Not only that, He showed us the ultimate act of love by sending his Son to die for us-- all of us-- despite the way we act on the daily.
Those of us who believe in God are instructed to love like him, and yet we rarely do... in this we, I include myself. God puts us first even when we don't put Him first. Likewise, we should put others before ourselves even when they don't show us the same regard. The world tells us that we should always act with our own interest first, but God tells us to put others ahead of ourselves, and always to His glory.
Do we do that? Do I? Often the people in our life who act as though they deserve our love the least are the ones who need it the most. I'm not saying that this means we should never be angry when someone wrongs us, because there is actually an element of love in righteous anger if you bring the issue to the person and address it in love.
Sometimes, loving someone who has made you angry is the best thing you can do for that person, because lack of genuine godly love in an individual's life can lead them to act in ways so very undeserving of any love at all. When love may be just exactly what that person needs.
Thinking about the situation with Adam has made me acutely aware of the times when I have acted out of anger rather than love.... why? Because it's made me ponder the fact that you never really know when will be the last time you see someone you love, the last time you touch them, the last time you have a chance to tell them how you feel.
It made me think of my Grandma Hunt when she was in the hospital before she passed away. The last time I told her "I love you...." I'm not even sure she comprehended what I was saying, and before that, I know it had been far too long since I had told her.
It made me think of Grandma Flowers, and not being able to be home for her funeral, and how I worried whether she knew how much I truly loved her.
It made me think of other less dire situations, like standing in front of my apartment door with my now ex-boyfriend in April 2009, never knowing that that would be the last time I would see him, or hold him, or tell him how I felt before he would leave, leave me, and find someone else better suited to his needs.
My point is, you never know which "I love you" will be the last "I love you," God, free will, and even chance, to a certain extent, control that variable. So say I love you everyday; try always to act and react in love; and remember where your hope and your treasure lie, because someday, there you will be also.
Adam was by no means my best friend. My interactions with him were few compared to many others I know and love... but in the nearly 3 years since I met him, he made an impression on me that lasted. He was hilarious, outgoing, and had a heart for God and others. Adam left his home on Sunday afternoon with the intention of going for either a swim or a run... which,it was not clear. It appears that somehow he may have been pulled under by the current in the Barren River, but it has not been confirmed. As of now, all we really know is that no one has seen Adam since around 1 pm yesterday. He has no phone, no keys, no ID, and no shoes.
And so for now, all we can do is wait. And pray. And pray. And wait.
In times like these, I have no idea how people function without God, because when all in this world seems hopeless, I consider myself blessed to have a source of constant hope in Him. I know that wherever Adam is, God is with Him, and that whatever he is going though, God will provide for his needs. I know that his friends and family sick with worry can find hope and comfort in God. And I know that no matter the outcome of this troubling situation, God will be with us always if we call on Him for help.
Some people say that reliance on God makes me stupid.... I say to them, "Fine... but at least in my so-called ignorance, I have hope. What do you have?"
Questions like this usually lead those doubting to fall silent, because even non-believers can recognize the healing power and positive influence that comes from prayer to and reliance on a higher power.
God is our ultimate source of love here on Earth, and the example by which we should model the way we interact with others. He shows us love every day, when he lets us breathe and live and interact and love ourselves, even though we are deserving of nothing, and constantly transgress each other and Him with our actions. Not only that, He showed us the ultimate act of love by sending his Son to die for us-- all of us-- despite the way we act on the daily.
Those of us who believe in God are instructed to love like him, and yet we rarely do... in this we, I include myself. God puts us first even when we don't put Him first. Likewise, we should put others before ourselves even when they don't show us the same regard. The world tells us that we should always act with our own interest first, but God tells us to put others ahead of ourselves, and always to His glory.
Do we do that? Do I? Often the people in our life who act as though they deserve our love the least are the ones who need it the most. I'm not saying that this means we should never be angry when someone wrongs us, because there is actually an element of love in righteous anger if you bring the issue to the person and address it in love.
Sometimes, loving someone who has made you angry is the best thing you can do for that person, because lack of genuine godly love in an individual's life can lead them to act in ways so very undeserving of any love at all. When love may be just exactly what that person needs.
Thinking about the situation with Adam has made me acutely aware of the times when I have acted out of anger rather than love.... why? Because it's made me ponder the fact that you never really know when will be the last time you see someone you love, the last time you touch them, the last time you have a chance to tell them how you feel.
It made me think of my Grandma Hunt when she was in the hospital before she passed away. The last time I told her "I love you...." I'm not even sure she comprehended what I was saying, and before that, I know it had been far too long since I had told her.
It made me think of Grandma Flowers, and not being able to be home for her funeral, and how I worried whether she knew how much I truly loved her.
It made me think of other less dire situations, like standing in front of my apartment door with my now ex-boyfriend in April 2009, never knowing that that would be the last time I would see him, or hold him, or tell him how I felt before he would leave, leave me, and find someone else better suited to his needs.
My point is, you never know which "I love you" will be the last "I love you," God, free will, and even chance, to a certain extent, control that variable. So say I love you everyday; try always to act and react in love; and remember where your hope and your treasure lie, because someday, there you will be also.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)