The letter

Posted here, because I needed to put it somewhere...

Think of it as catharsis.  I mailed a written copy too, but who knows if it will be read.


To the guy who's been the subject of every relationship related blog post in 2013--


It's been a hard few days for me. I think that the lack of answer from you was all the answer I needed.

I don't know if you were trying to play me or just keep me around because you needed someone there just in case, but I believe in the love I have for you, and that won't go away no matter what you do. Believe me, I wish it would... Then maybe I wouldn't need half a tube of concealer on my consistently swollen eyes.

I know it's hard for you too. I believe that you love me. I accept responsibility for my part in everything that's happened over the past few months. I wasn't fair, because I didn't stick to my own boundaries/the standards for what I want/deserve from someone. I'm sorry for that.

I hope that if you read my blog post from yesterday, you could see in it how much love I have for you. If you'll notice, I've always been upfront with that, and always tried to show you as much as I say it.

Your words and actions toward me haven't matched for a long time, and I want you to know how much it's killing me to type this... But I shouldn't have to convince someone who says he loves me that he wants to see me, that he should show me how he feels  in some way other than a text because he should want to. I've offered everything I can to you.

I also want you to know that I don't think that it's all your fault. You can't change how you feel or what you're ready for.

I will continue to pray for you, and believe me when I say, I believe God will use you for so much good. You may have acted like a royal jerk sometimes, but I invited that behavior. And so have I. Who hasn't?

You are still a man after God's heart, and I will always love that about you the most.

I hope you can forgive me for any hurt I caused you, and know that if you ever need a shoulder, I will be there. Nothing required from you.
.

See you sometime, my friend.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Jess