Note the quotation marks in the title.... because it's not really a relationship if you can count the number of times you've seen the person on one hand.
Or is it??
See, that's the tricky thing about online dating, because in a lot of ways, I'd say this person knew me so much better than even a man who had asked me to marry him. We'd had deep conversations, shared faith in God, talked about family dysfunction, goals, hopes, dreams, the ideal utopia where money didn't exist and we could spend our lives helping others and seeing that their needs were met. Music, college nicknames, Greek life experiences, growing up with a younger siblings, birthdays, holidays, what we wanted for our future. All of it-- discussed at length.
Sometimes he would text me just to say what he was making for dinner... or to have a conversation in nothing but malapropisms originally coined by George W. Bush. I couldn't go a day without talking to this person. And I loved everything about him even before we'd met. I'd think someone else was crazy if they were saying this to me before, but now, I wouldn't poke so much fun... because I've been there.
It's amazing what a dependency can build, and how much love can grow from texts, e-mails, and phone calls. Assuming the person is really being genuine, you can learn who they are better than if you had met in person and based initial impressions from superficial characteristics.
So we talked for 3 months. And then we met... and it was like we had known each other for our lives. I was more comfortable with him the first day we'd met than I had been with any other guy.... ever.
Things were good, after that initial meeting we kept calling/texting/talking. And then my birthday happened.... and suddenly, I felt like I was stuck in an episode of Catfish. Because we communicated online, we were Facebook friends. Without warning or discussion, he deleted me as his friend on my birthday and declared himself to be in a relationship with some other girl... who I'd never heard him mention in all these months.
So naturally, I was devastated. I tried calling to ask for an explanation, but he didn't answer. We didn't talk for 10 days. He called and apologized for his behavior, saying that he had just been in an odd place and scared of his feelings. I believed him. Guys can be jerks. He had been through a lot, and I knew that his heart was good.
So then came the next month. A good month of growing closer and talking through a potential move for him, discussing what that meant for our future. Talking for hours after a death in his family. Making inside jokes; sending each other pictures, growing closer by the day.
Then, came Veterans Day. Another hard day for him. And again he deleted me, with no explanation, but this time we talked. He told me he had feelings for someone from his past and was going to try to pursue something with her. We didn't talk daily, but I encouraged him to do what he needed and tell her the truth, letting him know I loved him and would always be there as his friend.
He surprised me one Saturday morning shortly after by calling me and letting me know that he had been up thinking about it, and that he knew I was who wanted to be with. He was on his way to my front door. We spent the day together, one of the best days I can remember even as I type this... and it felt like a new beginning.
And then came December... another girl materialized from thin air.... he said he'd met this one online. I just couldn't take it anymore. She seemed a lot like me in many ways... and I couldn't understand why he kept pushing me away.... it seemed like anyone and everyone was better than me.
And so this time I did the deleting. And I went home to KY for Christmas, but truthfully, I thought about him the whole time. He called me while I was there, letting me know he missed me and would always love me.
And so we talked last week, with me leery of his motive. I still am not his FB friend but I made the mistake of checking his page. He had posted some stupid meme about meeting nice girls and then meeting their boyfriends 10 minutes later.
Funny, but if you're telling me you'll always love me and can't stop thinking about me... why are you (even jokingly) concerned with meeting these nice girls... or whether they have boyfriends??
I'm confused.
I'm done trying to figure it out.
Guys, if you're trying to play... make sure FB doesn't ruin your game.
Signed, The Apparent Human Boomerang
No comments:
Post a Comment